Day 5: Godspeed

This was our final day. The day that we’d say goodbye to Maly.

Maly stayed in her dorm the night before. Her choice to stay felt like a jab to the heart, but it was the right choice. She even said, “I might as well start getting used to it.” I figured it’d be best to be with Jazz, other teammates, and new friends in the dorm so when it did come time to go our separate ways, she’d have an established support system and distractions.

She had orientation and other information sessions all afternoon, so we picked her up and went for brunch at First Watch. Maly had orientation at 1:30, so it was straight back to the dorm where we hung out for some minutes before she and Jazz needed to leave.

Elise, Mara and I checked into our hotel as we were only able to stay in our rental though Saturday. Mara and I stayed in while Elise went out for to pick up some more college freshman necessities for Maly.

The plan was to say our goodbyes on Saturday night as we had a 6:00 a.m. flight home on Sunday. Maly had dinner at school with some of her teammates. She texted us at 6:00 p.m. and said we could come over whenever we were ready. We hadn’t eaten yet and I invited Maly to come with us. She wanted to go to Target with some friends, so I told her to do that while Elise, Mara and I went to dinner.

The girls and I had a pizza dinner at Lola’s at sunset and as a rainbow appeared in the south. Dinner was quiet. We talked about the benefits of catching an early flight in the morning, crossing a time zone, and still having a full day when we got back to Austin. We talked about how it will be different without Maly being there. We talked about the bit of scrambling we’ll have to do before Mara starts school on Tuesday.

As we drove to Maly’s dorm we established a 10:30 p.m. curfew. We had to wake up at 4-something in the morning, and we’ve learned that if you don’t set a hard cutoff for the goodbye, it can drag on and become even more painful than it needs to be.

We hung out in Maly’s room with her, Jazz, and Mackenzie. Maly had already settled in. She had a few friends drop by to say hi. She was already in the process of doing laundry. We told Maly of our 10:30 curfew. We decided to go out to the parking lot.

Elise had put together a series of care packages for certain occassions. Things like “open now” and “open when you need a hug” and “open when it’s Halloween season” and “open on your first day of class.” Mara and I wrote cards for her.

We gave her our gifts at the back of our rental van in the parking lot across the street from her dorm. It was a quiet night. Except for the fireworks in the distance. We couldn’t figure out where they were coming from, but it was a full-on fireworks show. We said our goodbyes and good lucks, and imparted final words of encouragement and wisdom.

For me personally, in the weeks and days prior to this moment, I’d come to terms with the notion that I was going to lose it. I surprised myself by miraculously maintaining my composure. I cried. There was sorrow. But I was also happy. The pride overcame the sorrow. I stood there and was proud of and happy for my daughter.

We all cried. Mara cried and that was the hardest to witness. She was having to say goodbye to her hero. Seeing the two of them hug and hold each other broke my heart.

We said our final goodbyes and I love you’s. And that was it. Maly told us she wasn’t going to watch us drive off. We all knew why. The three of us stood there in the parking lot and watched her as she walked back to her dorm.

And that was it. We left her there. The three of us drove back to our hotel and we left our Maly there.

She’ll do great. We’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I miss her so damn much though.