I received the message below from a former high school underclassman in my Facebook account last night.
“hey man! it’s been a long long time since i’ve even thought about you…no offense. what have you been doing with yourself? what do you do now? married with kids i imagine. hope everything is well with you.”
I’ve thought about replying with:
“Hey, man! Me too; I haven’t thought about you whatsoever in fifteen years… no offense. I’ve been staying pretty busy since resigning as a pediatric neurosurgeon and focusing on my new career as a licensed ninja-for-hire. Yeah, and I’ve got a hot wife who worships the ground I walk on and a two-year-old daughter who’s also a ninja. Probably just as you imagined, because I am pretty awesome, as you know. She and I spend a lot of our spare time practicing our lethal sai skills and throwing shuriken. Life’s been great! You should try throwing shuriken sometime. Throwing shuriken is a lot more fun than Facebook!”
What are your ideas for a funny response that I could send?
I would add that after you cured CANCER, you won the Nobel Prize and went on to solve world hunger. Then you became a superhero who’s powers include ruling and ninja-fying that ass, and winning the lotto twice a week. (When you’re not planting 200 trees an hour and saving endangered salamanders)
or…
Wow, when you think about it, I’ve done a lot with my life. All while not even encountering a single thought or memory of you. It’s amazing how you’re the only person I didn’t think of (at all, not even a little bit) from my high school graduating class. In fact, I’m still not thinking about you because I’m too busy reading to blind, under-privileged Mexican kids that I saved while I was re-vitalizing the Mexican economy with my heavy, juicy genius brain.