Dinner for a triple decader

It seems like only 24 years ago my mom would ask, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” to which I would shriek, “SHOWBIZ!!!” Showbiz Pizza was the kid-friendly, adult-nightmare where kids held their birthday parties. There were games, prizes, polyurethane cheese pizzas, pitchers and pitchers of Mr. Pibb and automated characters that sang songs at set intervals. Showbiz was bought out years ago by what is now Chuck E. Cheese’s. It employes the same formula for childhood enjoyment. When I was a kid the adults were allowed to smoke, drink, use intravenous drugs and watch pornography while the children laughed and hugged keyboard playing gorillas and rats in cheerleader skirts. I firmly believe that this is why most of my generation doesn’t have ADHD.

My day is coming. In five years I will find myself with my child, among hundreds of other screaming three-foot people, at Chuck E. Cheese’s wondering, “Did I leave my syringe in the mini van?”

My thirtieth birthday is sixteen days away and if you know me, you know I have a penchant for a well-prepared dinner. I have decided that I will have this dinner on my birthday. I have limited my choices to the select top 10 restaurants in Austin as dictated by the Austin American-Statesman. Chuck E. Cheese’s wasn’t on the exclusive list so I am looking at all of the restaurants at which I have not yet eaten. Money is no option because I will only turn 30 once and after our child is born in April I am certain that the majority of my nutrition will be prepared by the renowned Chef Boyardee.

1. Driskell Grill – We ate at the Driskell Grill for our anniversary last year. The meal took too long and this establishment is too fine dine for what I want for my birthday.
2. Aquarelle – I don’t want French food for my birthday.
3. Café at the Four Seasons – I’m willing to bet I’d have a perfect steak here.
4. Hudson’s on the Bend – We’ve eaten here many times. I want something different although I’m not ruling out a tried and true.
5. Jeffrey’s – We’ve eaten at Jeffrey’s before.
6. Café 909 – I don’t think I want to drive home from Marble Falls and turn around and drive back to Marble Falls to eat. That and the last girl I fired works at Café 909 and given the restaurant’s intimate setting, it’s very possible that we would cross paths or better, she would be our server and spit on my sweetbread.
7. Uchi – I don’t want sushi for my birthday. The last time I had sushi on my birthday I drank enough saki to where my feet bacame numb and I fell down a flight of stairs right out onto South Congress.
8. Zoot – I am very much entertaining the Chef’s Tasting.
9. Wink – Wink has an excellent daily menu that might make for an interesting evening of culinary enlightenment.
10. Little Texas Bistro – It’s close to home, the menu is short and sweet and features some great entrees. The last time I called I was laughed at for not making my reservation a week prior.

So it’s either the Café at the Four Seasons, Zoot, Wink or the Little Texas Bistro. Or Hooters.