When it comes to getting things done, I like to, well, get things done. I don’t like to do jobs half-assed. My wife, friends and family have told me that the house won’t be as I want it overnight. I have blisters and back spasms to prove that I’ve been trying. Though cussing, kicking and screaming, I’m coming to the realization that by the time I get my house and lawn the way that I want it, I’ll be able to sit down in my porch swing just long enough to enjoy it before I have to deal with my sporadic incontenence. This will be because I will be as old as dirt by that time.
Though owning a house is great and all, it’s really stressing me out. My life hasn’t sucked that much up until this point. I really can’t put into words how stressed I am on a daily basis. We didn’t buy a money pit – our house is in excellent condition, it’s just the things that I want to do to it and the every day maintenance. There’s just not enough time in the evening after work and on the weekends. I reiterate, I like to have things done. This whole house thing has been just one big punch to the ol’ yarbles.
As I was outside this afternoon, digging a flower bed/garden, I started thinking about how much work I’ve already done and how much more there is to do. I thought about how much money we spend on our mortgage payment, how much extra I pay on the principal, how much we’ve spent on home improvements – the list goes on. That’s when I figured out the whole yarble punching thing. Shovel in hand, fist full of St. Augustine grass in the other, I thought: wouldn’t it be cheaper to have a dominatrix come over once a week and for $100, hit me upside the head with hedgeclippers and kick me in man land?
I don’t know why I actually thought that. Perhaps it was the sun and because an unidentified bug flew up my nose a few minutes prior. I guess my point is that you have to be really old to have a nice house and lawn.