Josh: You know what?
Readers: What’s that, Josh?
Josh: I have a pretty cool Dad.
Readers: Why do you say that?
Josh: Not every guy can say that his father shot someone…
You see, about 9 years ago, while yours truly was away at college, my Dad shot a man for trying to steal a lawn chair. A guy drove his pick up truck out to my parents house which is nestled in the country. He rang the door bell and asked if “Mary Sue” was home. My parents disavowed any knowledge of a “Mary Sue” (actually, they did have “Mary Sue”. She was hogged-tied to a fence post in the pasture in an attempt to ward off evil squirrels that tote Samurai swords and steal cantaloupes.)
The man walked back towards his truck after my Dad claimed no knowledge of “Mary Sue”. On the way, he stopped and took notice of one of the mighty finely crafted lawn chairs that my mom had constructed out of PVC pipe. Really, these chairs where quite nice. My Dad stood at the door and looked through the window as this man picked up one of the lawn chairs and headed toward his truck.
In Texas, if someone steps foot on your property and steals something that is rightfully yours, you can shoot him. My Dad ran to his impressive gun shelf, grabbed a 12-gauge shotgun and a fistful of 20-gauge shells and began after the thief. He quickly realized that he had the wrong shells. Not unlike an evil squirrel that totes a Samurai sword, my Dad quickly retreated into the house to get the correct shells for his gun. He ran back outside, loaded the shotgun and ran after the man who was taking his lawn chair.
The thief was about to throw his new loot into his truck. My Dad stopped. He aimed the rifle at the thief. “Stop!” Says my Dad. The thief jumped into his truck, backed out and was about to head out. My Dad aimed his rifle at the thief’s head. He lowered the barrel of the shotgun a foot or so and pulled the trigger. He blew a hole in the thief’s truck door as he began peeling out in the gravel driveway.
The cops caught the thief a few hours later. They said he was limping from being sprayed with shotgun pellets in the leg.
Now who’s the cool kid in the sandbox when everybody starts boasting “My Daddy can kick your Daddy’s butt!”
Today is my Dad’s birthday. Happy Birthday Dad! I Love You!!!