Sometimes I kill me. I just called our apartment complex leasing office to put in a work order…
Angel: “Good morning, Bridge Apartments, this is Angel, how can I help you?”
Josh: “Hi Angel, this is Josh Janicek in 1326 – my wife said that there was a real bad smell coming from the bathroom.”
I paused after I realized what I had just said.
Angel: “Ooooookay”
Josh: “Yeah, something really stinks in the vanity – seems like it’s coming from the air conditioning vent.”
Anyway – I thought that was funny. Okay, I’m retarded.
On another note… You want to know what my favorite thing in the whole wide world is? Riding my motorcycle first thing in the morning. Even if I know I’m going to work [don’t get me wrong… I love where I work… I love the people I work with… I work at the best place in the whole world…], I take that ten minute ride and cherish it. Cool summer mornings, fresh air, birds chirping, the smell of grass (and the smell of Vap-o-Rub emanating from the 20′ Buick in front of me, driven by ol’ buns ‘n’ knuckles on her way to the Golden Corral). Nothing beats it. It’s quiet, it’s peaceful, it’s a good time to meditate.
I’ve decided that when we retire, I want to move to a warm coastal city. I don’t care if it’s in California, Florida, Hawaii, Australia… wherever. I want to wake up first thing in the morning, everyday, and ride my motorcycle. I’ll ride it along the coast and yell at seagulls. I’ll take deep breaths and be thankful that I’m alive. I will stop at some deli or cafe and eat a piece of fruit on the patio. I will get there around the same time everyday. All of the other regulars will hear me coming from miles away and say, here comes Ol’ Josh and that motorcycle. I’ll wear canvas shorts and a t-shirt. I will ride home and sing songs to myself. I will wake Elise up and make her breakfast. We will play golf. I will get mad because I will probably never become good at golf and Elise will tell me that she loves me anyway.
Our children will come to visit us multiple times a year. My sons and I will take long coastal rides and I will show them where I had my adventures that are yet to happen…
That will be nice.