It stings

I found out on Wednesday that I will be losing my job in the coming weeks. The business that I’ve run for the past two and a half years is being sold. A larger entity is acquiring all assets, inventory and intellectual property but not our staff. The rug has been pulled out from underneath me and I’m totally dumbfounded. The thought of having to look for a new job, send out resumes, and endure unnerving interviews makes my stomach knot.

A huge part of me wants to find that job that will make me smile when I wake up in the morning – that job that doesn’t feel like a job. I don’t know what that job is though. They say, “Do what you love and the money will follow.” I just don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and I don’t think I can make a temporary financial sacrifice while placing a huge bet on what a “dream job” may become. Since Maly was born I have pretty much exhausted our savings since Elise hasn’t been working.

Everybody is confident that I’ll bounce back. I’m not as confident as everybody else right now. I’m having a VERY difficult time with my resume. In my heart of hearts I was looking at the glass half full. Throughout due diligence I thought, “I’ll totally be taken care of.” I was wrong. I thought that because I was running a business that nothing but good things would come of it. I thought I could eventually own a small percentage of the company and in a few years, I’d be financially wealthy. I had visions of retiring early and traveling.

Now I’m looking for a job. I’m looking for a career. I’m looking to provide for my family. I’m facing change in the face and my temples are beading with sweat. I have a little photo of Maly that I printed out that sits on my desk. She looks at me and even though she’s far from speaking at only a few months old, I hear her say, “You’re going to fix it, aren’tcha Daddy?”

I made a mistake by not constantly keeping my resume updated. It’s so difficult to think back at everything that I’ve done here and put it into words. The past three years are a blur. I’ve done EVERYTHING. I can’t really put that on my resume although that’s what I want to do.

I’m very curious as to where I will find myself in a month.