I just got back from my weekly outing with Harold. He and I went and played disc golf. I lost. We weren’t even keeping score and I lost. I knew how this round was going to turn out after I lost one of my discs on my first tee off. We still had fun though.
After golf we went to Sonic. Christina (Harold’s mom) gave Harold some money with which to buy dinner. I wasn’t hungry so I sat across from Harold and watched this not-even-one-hundred-pound boy inhale a double meat cheeseburger and a large order of tater tots. Before he began this strategic carnivorous attack, I asked him if he could eat that whole meal. He told me that he eats like that all the time. He went on to tell me that he doesn’t get fat because he stays active. With a sigh I responded “Oh to have the metabolism of a thirteen year old.”
Harold: “What’s that?”
Josh: “Metabolism is a bodily function that occurs during digestion and converts food into energy.”
H: “Sessassolism”
J: “Metabolism”
H: “Tsusabalism”
J: “Metabolism”
H: “Mesabitism”
J: “Meh-tab-bull-ism
H: “Metublibiblstmism… so what’s your favorite kind of soda?”
J: “I don’t know, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper. I really haven’t thought about it.”
H: “Do you like root beer?”
J: “Oh yeah! I like root beer a lot. Come to think about it, I really like cream soda, Orange Crush, Grape Crush”
H: “Have you ever mixed up a bunch of sodas together and drank it?”
J: “Yeah, that’s a suicide”
H: “A what?”
J: “A suicide. That’s what you call it when you mix all of the sodas together from the fountain. You know, Coke, Dr. Pepper, Sprite, that red stuff. Everything except the diet stuff. What do you call it?”
H: “Mixing a bunch of sodas together.”
Typical pause in male conversation
Josh: “Do you want to run over to the record store with me real quick?”
Harold: “The where?”
J: “The record store”
H: “What’s a record store?”
Josh’s internal monologue: Oh my gawd. I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m realizing that I’m getting older. The signs are all here. Hair is either falling out or just deciding that it looks much nicer growing from out of my ears. The forehead is getting wrinkly. I look forward to seeing the optometrist once a year. Body mass moving south. And now I’m going to have to explain why “CD stores” were once called record stores.
We went to the record store (I’m sticking to it). Rumor had it that St. Anger was to be released at 5:30 p.m. Warehouse Music knew nothing of it. It was funny to be in a record store again. I honestly don’t remember that last time I set foot in one.
We left the record store and went across the street to get Elise’s prescription filled (she’s ill). Harold and I sampled some Burt’s Bees hand lotion and smelled like little old ladies all the way home.
I took Harold back to his house and am now home. Next Wednesday we’re going to Town Lake and renting a canoe. Is it considered renting if you don’t have to pay? One of the cool things about being a Big Brother is that you’re inundated with lists of stuff to do from the BBBS office and we get to do a lot of things for free. Like renting boats. The week after that we’re going to go play laser tag.
I have to go tend to my sickly wife now. She has a horrible strain of SARS (Sick And Really Sleepy).